


rare to get it, hard to keep it

by wordsmithraven



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Spoilers, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 07, Season/Series 07 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25671388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsmithraven/pseuds/wordsmithraven
Summary: Daisy struggles with the death of Jiaying. May and Sousa do everything they can to help Daisy in the immediate aftermath of her latest tragedy.
Relationships: Jiaying & Melinda May, Jiaying & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Melinda May & Daniel Sousa, Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Skye | Daisy Johnson & Daniel Sousa, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Daniel Sousa
Comments: 14
Kudos: 160





	rare to get it, hard to keep it

"It's hard to have anything isn't it? Rare to get it, hard to keep it. This is a damn slippery planet." — Thomas Harris, _Red Dragon_

* * *

Daisy didn’t know why she kept trying. It was time she admitted the truth: the universe would never let her have anything for long. There was no happy ending for her.

She sat with legs curled beneath her on the hard floor of the Lighthouse hallway. She was bent completely over her mother’s limp body, which she had at some point pulled further into her lap. Her forehead was pressed into Jiaying’s cheek, smooth and unscarred by Whitehall. Still warm, still not moving. It had been a while but Daisy didn’t feel the telltale drain of her energy being siphoned from her and into Jiaying. A strange thing to hope for now when the sensation had haunted her nightmares for so many years before.

The distance between then and now seemed so wide. Daisy wasn’t the same as she had been when she’d been that young, naive girl believing all of her mother’s promises so blindly. She was older now. Wiser, she liked to think. But, there it was: her believing the promise of who _this_ Jiaying could be, of what _this_ Jiaying could finally give to her. 

That was all gone.

The Lighthouse had stopped shaking the moment Nathaniel had left her sight. She’d folded it all inside as May had locked eyes with her before turning to follow the youngest Malick down a corridor. Daisy hadn’t really registered it, being so focused on Jiaying laying on the ground without moving.

By the time the white noise stopped screaming in her ears Daisy’s tears had dried, as had the blood across her cheek. Above her the sparks from her brief quake-out had calmed. A few bulbs were out, plunging the area into darkness. None of that mattered to Daisy. She pressed her eyes closed against it, trying to push everything out. But all she could see behind her eyelids was her mother being killed in front of her, over and over. Sometimes it was Nathaniel, sometimes it was her father, and sometimes, inexplicably, it was _her_ quaking her mother’s bones like she’d done Gideon Malick.

It wasn’t the first time she’d lost someone close to her. Hell, this Jiaying hadn’t even been the closest person to her to die. A long list of the dead rolled through her mind at the thought. It wasn’t even the first time she’d lost someone she loved, _twice_ . Coulson had had that privilege and was clearly gearing up to leave her again. She’d only known this mother for a few hours, had talked to her for even less time. Yet somehow _this_ was the moment Daisy finally understood what it meant to be cursed.

Not even in another time period, in another timeline _,_ could she escape it. It was latched onto her back like a parasite, traveling with her no matter where or when she went. A dark, evil, twisted prophecy so entangled with her lifeline that she wasn’t sure if it originated from outside of her or from within. Either way, Daisy knew it would never leave her and because of it, everyone else eventually would.

Even knowing that, Daisy kept reaching out for a connection. She kept grasp at smoke, knowing it was all futile. She didn’t know what else to do. Just as it was in the universe’s nature to want to take people from her, it was in hers to want to have them. She craved them and every time, she was setting herself up for more pain and heartache. 

Daisy laughed and it sounded like sobbing. 

She realized then that Enoch was right. Their team, her family, wouldn’t make it out of the mission to the other side. She hadn’t known exactly how but her chest squeezed tight at the idea that her curse would be the cause. That one day soon, she would be bent in the same way over May or Mack or Jemma or Yo-Yo or Coulson...Sousa, now too. Over all of them. The only thing that gave her some semblance of hope was that Enoch had also said her friends would survive. She held onto that part of the prophecy with everything she had.

Eventually Daisy’s muffled hearing registered heavy footsteps walking up behind her. A voice broke through the chaos in her mind, yanking her out of her despair.

“Daisy!”

She sat up, blinking into the dark. She could feel the weight of someone hovering behind her. From her periphery she saw a shadow kneeling beside her. May.

“Daisy,” the other woman said again. Daisy turned her head slowly to meet May’s eyes. They were as sad as Daisy felt and she wondered absently if May was really feeling that or just copying her.

“May,” she breathed. “He _killed_ her.” 

It was almost a question. A shocking disbelief that the event had even happened. There was nothing else she could think of to say. Daisy's hand squeezed on Jiaying’s soft upper arm but she made no other move.

May tentatively reached out a hand. She hesitated for one second and Daisy wondered if May was afraid of feeling what was brewing inside of her. She couldn’t be surprised at it. Daisy wouldn’t wish this on anyone, let alone May whom she cherished.

It didn’t matter how much Daisy wanted to keep her pain bottled up inside her, though. May took a deep breath and finished the movement to softly cup her cheek. Daisy felt such overwhelming relief at the touch that she closed her eyes and just leaned into May’s palm. She grabbed onto May’s arm tight with her free hand, never letting go of her other mother with her left. Those two counterpoints became her anchor. The dead weight of Jiaying in her lap dragging her down with May next to her, keeping her from sinking all the way.

“I’m so sorry, Daisy,” she heard May say. Her voice was shaking in a way Daisy had not heard in a long while. Not since she’d watched May die in that temple asking after the remnants of Coulson in Sarge. 

A new wave of grief rolled over Daisy at that. Jiaying, Coulson, May, Cal...the memories of losing them one way or the other tangling up in Daisy’s mind like a Gordian Knot. May gasped next to her. Instead of pulling away to avoid her feelings like Daisy assumed she would do, May folded Daisy into an embrace. 

Daisy’s eyes blinked open and she saw May reach around her to draw Jiaying in with them. Jiaying’s head rolled back into Daisy’s lap and her hair fell away to expose her face. She saw the splash of a tear fall onto Jiaying’s forehead. Daisy wasn’t sure if it was hers or May’s because when she looked up, she saw that May was now crying and Daisy realized that she was crying again too.

Daisy leaned forward and buried her face in the other woman’s neck to hide. She could feel May’s arms tighten around them and a hand began to stroke through her hair. May didn’t say anything, words not being her strong suit. Daisy knew that for May actions always spoke louder. 

Daisy didn’t know how long they sat there. The seconds turned into minutes and maybe into hours. All she could do was keep crying, her whole body shaking. And there, like a universal constant, was May. Taking care of her. Daisy thought it was the only thing keeping her sane, if her state could even be called sanity to begin with. 

Daisy decided right then to just embrace it...embrace _May,_ for as long as she could hold onto her.

* * *

Melinda had felt the tremors first, of course. She had paused in her search of the base for Garrett and Nathaniel when the quake had started. When it didn’t let up, she’d known in her gut that something was wrong. So she’d raced through the halls, turning and turning until she’d come upon the scene. 

It had taken her only moments to realize what had happened. There had been Nathaniel towering over Jiaying who was laying on the ground with Daisy further down the hall rising slowly onto her knees as the Lighthouse around them had started to shake apart.

Melinda had made a split second choice to shoot, driving Nathaniel away from Daisy and down a corridor. Daisy had dropped back to the ground and the building had stopped its eminent collapse. Melinda had paused, pressed into a wall for just one moment. Daisy’s grief and rage had been like a torrent rolling over Melinda, slamming her back into the corner of the intersection. Melinda had felt her own face crumple in sympathy and shock but she hadn’t been able to stay for more than an instant. She had needed to chase Nathaniel and make sure he didn’t do anything worse than what had transpired in that hallway. It had killed Melinda to leave Daisy like that but it was what had to be done.

Later, as she made her way back to Daisy with Sousa following behind her in worry, she hoped she could get there in time. She hoped that what she could feel getting stronger and stronger as she got closer to the other woman wouldn’t drown Daisy before she got there. 

Melinda rounded a corner and saw Daisy bent in half over her mother’s body. 

“Daisy!” she called out, panic suffusing her voice.

Sousa took a shocked step forward but Melinda grabbed his arm to stop him. He turned to look at her and she shook her head slightly. 

“Stay here,” she whispered but didn’t tell him to leave altogether. “We’ll need you in a moment but right now, let me handle it.”

Melinda was glad that the man wanted to help Daisy. She could feel the affection and sympathy mixed in with what she sensed was confusion. Underneath that was a fluttering that Melinda thought might be butterflies. A new love was brewing between the two. Melinda had felt the same growing feelings from Daisy whenever the two were in a room together and Daisy's feelings had merely grown stronger after the time storm.

While it helped Daisy to have his steady presence there, Melinda knew based on the utter despair now coming from Daisy that if the young woman saw him right then, she’d start to associate her feelings of loss with him. It would cause her to shy away from him, hide herself, and close her heart to him. It was the last thing Melinda wanted for Daisy now that she could see the girl starting to move forward so many years after Lincoln. Melinda had to preserve that at all cost. Securing Daisy’s future happiness was something she took very seriously.

So she gestured for Sousa to stay back but stay near and he nodded sharply. She walked forward and knelt next to Daisy and Jiaying’s body.

“Daisy,” she repeated, much more calmly this time. 

Daisy’s emotions were slamming into her but after weeks of practice when she’d been stuck in the Lighthouse with Mack and Yo-Yo, Melinda was much better at sorting and handling them. She was also now capable of separating them from her own, which were also starting to come back in recent days.

“May, he killed her.”

Melinda’s face softened and she reached forward to press a hand to Daisy’s cheek, pausing only long enough to brace herself for the stronger barrage that physical touch brought on with her powers.

“I’m so sorry, Daisy,” she said softly. 

She was overwhelmed by Daisy's feelings mixing in with her own. The moment Melinda had spoken a new wave of terror and pain had rolled in from where her hand cupped Daisy’s face. So she cradled the distraught girl in her arms and reached down to circle Jiaying as well.

She stroked her hand through Daisy’s hair, feeling the tears falling onto her neck where the girl had buried her head. Empathic tears rolled down her own face and she struggled not to fall into a negative emotion feedback loop. It wouldn’t do to ratchet up the grief between them even more. Melinda had discovered in her time with Mack, Yo-Yo, and Deke that it helped when she categorized the emotions and separated them. So she worked to untangle the puzzle that was herself, Daisy, and Jiaying.

In the past, Melinda had felt a lot of things for Jiaying. Anger, sympathy, judgement, and if she had to admit it...some small bit of jealousy. It was hard not to, considering the life Melinda knew Jiaying had led and the horrific choices she’d ultimately made, the pain she’d caused to Daisy. Plus she’d tried to kill their team and that was something Melinda had thought she could never forgive.

Almost against her will, however, there’d been a small kinship too, somehow. An acknowledgement of what fear and pain could drive you to do, especially when it concerned a daughter. It was something Melinda had discovered all too well after so many years of caring for Daisy, Fitz, and Simmons. Even more, Melinda’s time in the Framework as a Hydra agent had actually helped her comprehend a lot of what she herself was capable of if pushed in certain ways. And that understanding of herself had retroactively made Jiaying more knowable too.

When she’d met the earlier, less damaged version of Jiaying again at Afterlife a few days before, all those complicated emotions had come rushing back. Emotions she was reluctant to experience and hated verbalizing even more. Feelings had never been her expertise, that had always been Andrew’s field. Until she’d gotten this damned power and now it was all consuming. 

Guiding Yo-Yo with her emotional exploration had been a necessary but uncomfortable experience for Melinda and it had not been helped by having Jiaying there, reminding Melinda of everything they’d gone through in the past. Everything Daisy had gone through. But Melinda had endured it all because it was what Yo-Yo had needed, what the team had needed. 

Now, here, in this darkened hallway with the world half collapsed and the timeline in complete ruins around them...this was what Daisy needed. So Melinda pushed aside whatever lingering resentments she might’ve had for Jiaying--resentments that truthfully had all but disappeared for this version of Jiaying over the past few days, anyway--and squeezed them both close to her. This girl who had filled a hole in her life that Melinda had never thought could be filled and this woman who she had only known for moments but believed wholeheartedly didn’t deserve the hand she’d been dealt.

They stayed that way for a while and slowly the deluge from Daisy lessened, managed in part by Melinda’s careful deconstruction of her own power. Jiaying’s body had grown a little colder but it was a fair amount away from rigor mortis still. They would need to move her before that set in.

From behind them, Melinda heard the crackling of Sousa’s radio and Yo-Yo’s voice broke through the silence, “May, Sousa...we’re crossing into New Brunswick. ETA to the Lighthouse: forty-five minutes.”

Daisy startled at the sudden voice and Melinda sighed. She kept Daisy from yanking completely away, helping her slowly ease up instead. She combed Daisy’s hair away from her face, rubbing the back of her fingers across her unscarred cheek to clear away the tracks of her tears. The other cheek was split open in the same place it always opened now since Gideon Malick had beaten Daisy four years ago. There was a bruise on her forehead as well. Melinda left that side alone until they could clean and bandage her properly.

“We need to move her, Daisy,” she said. Daisy looked at her vacantly, having not quite returned from her grief. 

“Your mother,” Melinda elaborated and gestured down to Jiaying. “We need to move her somewhere better. She shouldn’t stay here.”

Daisy nodded and finished leaning away completely. She rubbed vigorously at her own face, paying no heed to the fact that she re-opened her cheek wound and it started bleeding again. Melinda inhaled sharply but said nothing. Daisy finally looked back and noticed Sousa there, standing vigil behind them.

“Sousa,” Daisy said in surprise. 

She gently lowered her mother from her lap and onto the floor. She struggled to her feet, Sousa leaping forward to help her stand. Melinda felt a new roil of feelings from the pair of them as they hugged and spoke softly to each other. Affection, kindness, loneliness, confusion, longing. Thankfully Melinda didn’t feel any fear or dissociation from Daisy. It seems she had calmed down enough that she wasn’t going to project her feelings about her so-called “curse” onto Sousa. Melinda felt she’d made the right call having Sousa hang back.

Melinda suppressed a smile, deeming it inappropriate given the context of their situation. It made her happy to see Daisy on the cusp of a new love. Even in the midst of all this tragedy.

Melinda looked down at Jiaying and the urge to smile faded. Another casualty of the Chronicoms’ war on time along with this timeline’s version of Daisy. The worst case scenario for their team.

She was getting tired of this. Melinda had been tired of it since as far back as the Framework. It had been unrelenting for a long time. The last seven years had contained the most draining experiences of her life outside of Bahrain. She wondered, not for the first time, if it was time to really hang up her hat. Retirement was not something she’d ever thought she’d get to have considering the danger of her job, but increasingly over the last few years, she’d been feeling ready to let go.

She’d stuck around as long as she had for her family and for the familiarity they gave her after Coulson had died on that island and it had felt like her life had ended. The job and the team had become her only lifeline back to sanity. However, sitting there examining Jiaying’s body, wondering if next time she’d be the one to die, Melinda thought she might be truly ready to leave.

If she survived this war with the Chronicoms, she made the decision to sit down and discuss it with Coulson...if he hadn’t deactivated first.

* * *

When Daniel had encouraged Daisy to talk to her mother a few hours before, this had not been the outcome he’d imagined. 

He’d followed Agent May down the maze of hallways of the underground bunker, his mind racing with the possibilities of what they’d find. His heart was in his throat. He’d felt the earthquake earlier and although he wasn’t sure if it had been Daisy or Malick, it was guaranteed to mean nothing but trouble. When they’d come upon Daisy holding her mother in her arms with Jiaying’s legs so still, his fears had been confirmed.

He’d wanted to step forward and hold her immediately but he’d deferred to Agent May when the woman had held him back. He would wait until she gave the all clear. He’d only been with the group a short while but even through May’s wild swings of emotion and non-emotion--which he’d recently learned was due to her newfound superpower--he could see how much the older agent cared about Daisy. He would follow her lead in this. The two battle-hardened women held each other over the body of Jiaying for a long while and his heart broke a little more for Daisy. 

He did not envy her this experience. He had lost many loved ones, of course. Some in an unexpected and violent way. The war had seen to that. But he had no real context for this moment. His parents had both passed relatively peacefully some years before. While he missed them dearly, he’d had a long and happy life with them. Far more than most got. Far more than what Daisy had gotten. He didn’t know quite all the details but his experience was certainly not what Daisy had described about her own tumultuous relationship with her parents. And now it had ended in tragedy all over again thanks to Nathaniel Malick. 

Rage engulfed him at the thought of that man. First cutting into her to steal her superpower, now killing her mother to ensure Daisy wouldn’t be born. What kind of sick monster could do such a thing to another person? And yet, Daniel knew that there _were_ such monsters in this world. He’d fought against so many in his life both during the war and after. 

It saddened him to realize that the world would keep creating men like Malick, no matter how far into the future they went. When Daisy had told him that fascism was back in the 21st century, he hadn’t quite been able to picture it. Why, after everything that the world had gone through and fought for, would anyone revive a culture that engendered such hatred and oppression? Having seen the likes of Malick and Garrett, Daniel was starting to realize exactly how important it had been for him to stay with this group and fight the good fight. 

A curl of guilt rose in his mind, however. He’d been distracted in that alley, then they’d been kidnapped, starting them down this whole path with Nathaniel. He’d left Daisy’s side earlier, then her mother had died. Agent Simmons had been snatched from right in front of him and he’d been too slow to shoot Garrett. He knew logically that none of it was really his fault but he still felt it. He still wondered if there was something more he could’ve done to stop all of this. 

Daniel looked down at the radio in his hand and crossed his arms over his chest. He shook his head and frowned at the ground. It seemed that Daniel’s biggest contribution to the team would be picking up the pieces after it all went wrong. 

He looked at the other two agents and pressed his lips together. If that was to be his place here, then he would gladly fill that role. No matter how many times Daisy slammed into a brick wall, trying to save the world, he made the decision right then to be there helping her back up however he could.

So he stood in that sad and dark hallway, and he waited as May had instructed him to. Waiting for when he could step in and help.

His moment came after Agent Rodriguez had radioed that the rest of the team were close to returning. The radio transmission had shaken the two women from their grief and May indicated that they needed to move Jiaying’s body. After nodding sadly and wiping her face, Daisy finally looked back to see him there.

Her smoky makeup was smudged all over her cheeks from where she’d rubbed at her face. It had surprised him earlier that day to learn that heavy and dark eye makeup plus lots of leather was her preferred style. She was beautiful either way but the change from her 50s and 70s style had taken some getting used to. 

Now, none of that mattered. All Daniel could see were her eyes shot red from crying, and her face bloodied and bruised. The sight of it made every bone in his body ache. He didn’t know why he felt so strongly, so quickly about this woman he’d met less than a month ago. Everything about her called to him and made him want to protect, made him want to comfort, made him want to follow her.

“Sousa,” Daisy called out with surprise in her voice.

She was struggling a bit with standing so he stepped forward immediately. He reached out and took her hand in his, curling his other arm around her waist to brace her as she stood and trying not to poke her side with the radio in his hand.

To his surprise, she grabbed at his arm when he went to let her go. He stilled and her forehead fell to his shoulder. The silver zippers and buckles on her leather jacket dug a little into his chest but he kept her pressed to him as she wanted. 

“Thank you,” she said into his shirt. He tried to look down at her but she turned her face further into him and away from his eyes. Her left hand came up to clutch at his shoulder in a half-hug and her other arm was pinned between them. He reached around her slowly to make it a full embrace, ready to stop if she recoiled away from him.

“Thank you,” she said again. “For making me talk to her. I had more time with her than I would’ve gotten if you hadn’t insisted.”

Daniel inhaled slowly. 

“I’m glad you got to have at least that,” he said weakly. 

It was wholly insufficient, he knew. Despite her attempts at gratitude, he could see that there was no real way to have a positive shake on anything that had happened that day. 

He lowered his chin to the top of her head and slid his free hand up her back until he could brush it over her hair like he’d done back in that barn. She sighed and grabbed harder at his shirt. They swayed a little in place while he offered her what comfort he could give her.

Over Daisy’s head he watched as Agent May stood to her feet. She met his eyes and nodded at him. He returned a weary half-smile, half-grimace. She took a few steps towards them and the thud of her heavy heels on the concrete floor made Daisy finally let go and step back from him.

He released her and moved back to give her space. She flashed him a quick smile before turning to Jiaying and May.

“Let’s put her in the medical wing,” Daisy said, voice thick with emotion.

May nodded in response and reached out to squeeze Daisy’s arm.

“Agent Sousa, could you help us?” May asked and waved a hand at Jiaying’s body.

Daniel, understanding what was needed, strode forward. He handed May the radio in his hand and bent down to gather Jiaying’s body into his arms. He had a much better time of it with his new prosthetic than he’d had back in that barn. The woman had not been very tall, only an inch taller than her daughter. Her frame had been slim and delicate.

Her head rolled far too loosely against his shoulder and he looked down to see slightly raised skin from what he knew to be common with severely broken necks. Her arm fell limp in front of them and Daisy came around to gently raise it and lay it on Jiaying’s lap, tucked into his front. Daisy slid her hand one more time over her mother’s head then turned and led the way down the corridor. May and Daniel followed after her as he had come to want to do always.

Daniel wasn’t sure how long their mission would last, how many more tragedies their team would endure. He only knew that whatever may come, whatever the world threw at them or tried to take away, he’d be there following after to put it all back together again. This was his future now and he would do anything to hold onto it. For as long as Daisy wanted him to.

**Author's Note:**

> Story was inspired by the fact that May and Sousa are the ones who are flanking Daisy in the preview when she comes up on Kora. Just an idea of what the moments before that scene and after Jiaying's death might be.


End file.
